Barack Say What They Want To Hear Obama released this statement today, in response to the Supreme Court Heller decision. Let’s take it point by point, shall we, kind of read between the lines, and fill in the “rest of the statement”.?
I have always believed that the Second Amendment protects the right of individuals to bear arms,
Except when they live in a state with a big city, or in D.C., or Illinois, and except for the time I didn’t believe it.
but I also identify with the need for crime-ravaged communities to save their children from the violence that plagues
Oh yeah, it’s for the children. Works for about 45% of Americans on everything else, so let’s use it for gun control too.
that plagues our streets through common-sense, effective safety measures.
Like the complete ban on handguns that has proven to be so effective everywhere it has been tried, like D.C. and Chicago.
The Supreme Court has now endorsed that view,
And they have agreed with me, Barack The New Politician Obama.
and while it ruled that the D.C. gun ban went too far,
which is just wrong, but that @#!^ Kennedy let us down
Justice Scalia himself acknowledged that this right is not absolute and subject to reasonable regulations enacted by local communities to keep their streets safe.
Which is just the kind of thread I as President need to hang on to, upon which to hang a renewed effort to roll back this awful miscarriage of hope and change.
Today’s ruling, the first clear statement on this issue in 127 years,
which lack nobody I know saw any problem with
will provide much-needed guidance to local jurisdictions across the country.
and create a full employment situation for armies of attorneys for decades to come.
As President, I will uphold the constitutional rights of law-abiding gun-owners, hunters, and sportsmen.
And you can trust me on that because I have a clear record, and you can believe what I’m telling you.
I know that what works in Chicago may not work in Cheyenne.
Will security please take that “gentleman” from Idaho who is laughing hysterically out of the room, please? Now, as I was saying, it works so well in Chicago that we need to expand the programs to other cities where they will work equally as well.
We can work together to enact common-sense laws,
The lawyers, my friends in the Democrat majority, and my patrons George and MoveOn, we’re all about common-sense.
like closing the gun show loophole
because we can’t have private citizens buying and selling legal guns from other private citizens now, can we?
and improving our background check system, so that guns do not fall into the hands of terrorists or criminals.
We also intend to prosecute every gun dealer in America, because even if the criminals and terrorists don’t get their guns directly from the dealers, untrained citizens are allowing their unsecured guns to be stolen, and that has to stop. You can count on me to stop it.
Today’s decision reinforces that if we act responsibly, we can both protect the constitutional right to bear arms and keep our communities and our children safe.
And I promise to appoint the right kind of judges that will accomplish all that I intend to do to the Constitution, in order to get it just the way I want it. Thank you for believing in me. Sleep tight.

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